Monday, December 27, 2004

Saying Good-night

Hi. Hope you all had a good weekend, however you celebrated it (or didn't). And I hope your New Year is as full of wonderful things as it's looking like mine will be.

Ducky's fine. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm starting to feel Ducky move. It's wild and wonderful. Exhausting and exhiliarating.

I am just not able to blog. Not at work, not at home. I want to write. I want to write to Ducky, or about Ducky, or even not. And I'm not writing. Not at all enough.

There was a time not long ago when blogging was a way in for me. I was writing and thinking about writing in a way that excited me and was self-propelling. But it caught up with me. I don't like blogging at home because I like moving a pen across paper so much more than typing, that at home I'm more inclined to journal, to shape words as well as release them. I don't like blogging at work because despite the best of intentions, I find it impossible to control the impulse to blog during hours I owe my bosses, hours they're billing our clients. That's a really uncomfortable feeling for me. Shunted aside for awhile, but, as I say, it caught up with me.

I just can't do it.

I'm not sure what the best thing to do is, then. Should I leave the blog up for the occasional visitor? Some sign that I was here, that I participated -- that I am grateful for the time that I participated, for the time that I felt connected with real people who lived in my imagination (and in lit pixels on the screen)? You are real to me and so make it hard to figure out the right way to leave this forum.

I don't know the right way to say goodbye.

But that's what I am doing. Or maybe, this is just good-night. I'm turning out the lights over here at Phoebe Moons to concentrate on keeping my conscience clean and my journal brimming. Thank you all for your role in my life, it has not been insubstantial however fleetingly our monitors have flickered for each other. All of you are my "favorites." You may even see me around occasionally, visiting you at your place, in those spare moments as I eat lunch at my desk or procrastinate before surrendering to some deadline. But until we meet again...

Good-night Queenie, my first inspiration and enduring role model.

Good-night Sister Spirit, my first regular and friend.

Good-night Aimee, good soul and stalwart heart.

Good-night A.J., big brother of the ethersphere.

Good-night Mmmmm., compatriot from another country.

Good-night C.E., mother to Katya (and sibling!), and inspiration.

Good-night Jennifer, sweet and gentle mother bear.

Good-night Esther, geographic rover and uniter.

Good-night Todd Vodka, master of the turn of phrase.

Good-night Mike, swell fellow -- you're truly a "good 'un," in addition to talented.

Good-night Vader, righteous and mighty warrior.

Good-night Sloth, belle of the ball. (Sorry I missed your good-bye party.)

Good-night Trish, witty and brave mother to Robbie, now web-superstar.

Good-night Morgan, it's good to see you prolific again.

Good-night Seeker, gratefully linked because you were the first to link me.