Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Dear ---

My apologies to anyone who finds this alienating. This is offered as an invitation into my private dance with something I cannot name but think is what I mean when I use the word "god." It is directed only to those who are interested, no sell intended, and no offense taken if you aren't interested. I had to go to a particularly stressful meeting today and I arrived very early. As I sat at a nearby coffeeshop, whiling the time until I could in to meet the other participants, I found my pen scribbling this letter.


Dear ---:

I am yours first and above all. Yours before I am the child of my parents. Yours before I am my husband's mate. Yours even before I am my own.

Sometimes I remember this. And sometimes I do not. But I know that whether I remember or not, it is true. Because it is the nature of you -- that which defines and comprises the nature of All.

You confound me often. Yet I trust you beyond reason, with passion, and even with courage, even when I do not always recognize courage for what it is.

Wherever you lead me, may I feel your hand resting lightly on my head, a subtle compass toward your will for what Phoebe shall be in this life. Let my heart always be open, even as it breaks in the face of all the pain I cannot mitigate, all the ways I will fail to tread a faithful path.

If I am good, it is only because you redeem me. It is only because I belong to you first and above all by the fact of my being.

There is no name for you that is not too small, even though you are as present in the tiniest of things, as you are in the most magnificently incomprehensibly infinite universe. You are to me the mystery that fuels my intellect, conscience, love, and joy and I am grateful for all those things.

Thank you for enlivening this collection of atoms, this strange shape and density of mass, buzzing with electricity for the time it shall. I like the experience of being here.

Oh! I place myself before you with praise and thanksgiving, even as I am annoyed with my inability to articulate it truly. Please always keep my eyes open to all your faces, my ears open to all your voices, and my heart and mind open to all of your comings and goings.

Sincerely (and Amen),