Monday, August 02, 2004


I work for a small consultancy firm and I just turned in my July timesheet. Talking about facing the music. My billables for last month were painfully low during a crunch month. Another month like that and I will not just be facing my own music, but whatever tune my bosses "sing" in as well. A greater dilemma for me, however, is that by disguising how little work I actually have at a time when my colleagues (and friends) are putting in long real hours, I'm in effect stealing time from their families, friends and real lives by not helping to even the load throughout rather than using my hours at the office to write to you.

So, while the time posting here and visiting with you has been totally worth it for me, I just can't have another month like July in August. D. and I were already planning a two week vacation at the end of the month, during which I knew I was going to go dark... but I might be going dark (or at least much darker) until then as well. I'll still be checking in when I can, but if I appear to be absent, at least you'll know I didn't get hit by a bus (just in case, like me, you worry about such things).

It feels a little presumptuous to take the time to tell you all this. Why should I assume you would care? Who am I to you but some lit pixels on your computer monitor, really? However, since each of you, in your unique configurations of lit pixels, have also become like spider thread links to a wider world in which I take great hope and joy, friends and community of a sort that might not be able to bring over a baking dish of lasange when times get hard, but who nonetheless send words out into the world that land in my heart and change my perception of things --- I just thought I should at least tell you as much. I'll be missing you.

Cheers and Happy August. Phoebe